its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They have beer where we have blood.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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