So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
