I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
