A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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