Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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