Where are you?
In a non slutty way
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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