Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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