omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
