Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
