i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
