Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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