He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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