here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
