When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
