sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
