isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
