how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
