he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
