its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I accidentally burped into my bong.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your penis caused this!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
