I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
