You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
