I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
