Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
