I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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