Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
