my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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