update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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