i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
