What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
