I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
