Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
