Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
