Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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