I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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