I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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