He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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