I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
