Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
