We're facebook friends in real life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
