Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
