I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize