is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
