At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
