I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
