Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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