but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
