I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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