Fine. I'll sleep in my office
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I look better un-naked...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
