I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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