I cannot find my penis.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize