just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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