using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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