i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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