Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont even know how to be here
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I party with great urgency now.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize