Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
