"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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