i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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