i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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