i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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