I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
