I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize