1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My pussy is not your playground.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
