Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize