It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
