I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
