I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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