I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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