So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
