its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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