i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
two words...techno handjob
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
