I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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