I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize