so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
