I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
