i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
