Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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